What Doesn't Kill...Is Still An Assassin

Kelly, stop belting, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I don't feel stronger; I feel depleted, worn, tired, hangry. A nap sounds nice, as does a giant Twix Bar.

I came upon a quote post, "I shouldn't ask why you're acting like a clown, but rather why do I keep going to the circus." VIP front row nonetheless.

Let me preface this by saying this is not about a boy. Nor is it a close friend.

Sometimes we are endowed with a member of our close circles, who are there, cause they are close and familial, or someone we have to correspond with daily (crazy car ride companions, coworkers, clients- 3 c's of crazy ;) but they are in pain and transcend that pain onto others. It hurts, to wholly comprehend the internal struggle they are battling.

At first, you want to curry their favor. Maybe they're going through an extra hard time right now with x,y,z,…let me be extra sensitive/patient/giving/forgiving.

But then you realize this rollercoaster keeps going up and then drops without notice. Then it keeps on falling, and it's dark. I don't know why amusement parks have such a positive connotation, all I keep thinking of is clowns, pseudo mirrors, projected noises, rickety roller coasters, and a haunted house. Shudder.

You always have the power to control your reactions and to learn the tools necessary for communicating with a difficult personality.

One of the most head-spinning situations is trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person; it's like the who's the crazy one vibes? And not to sound lofty but difficult people are here to test us, to chisel us into the people we are meant to become…they are merely the facilitators for our growth. Nonetheless, these are some helpful tactics for diffusing the difficulties that come with dealing with delusional people. I referenced the list from Psychology Today because it was relevant to a T.

Feeling "heard" understood and even validated, is key to getting through to an unreasonable person, I'm not saying to nod and placate- but actively try to hear the situation from their perspective, even if it's skewed.
Keep your cool; if their octave is rising, this is your cue to remain uber calm and level headed. Speaking disrespectfully to the other person will add fuel to an already heated situation, and you will get angry for losing hold of yourself.
Try to find the underlying need-what are they LASHING OUT ABOUT? For rational people, the point of "boiling over" is usually because of a conglomerate of brewing emotions. Still, even the irrational ones, try and delve deeper to uncover the surface issue.
Don't patronize- saying, "I understand," usually makes things worse. Instead, say, "Tell me more so I can understand better."
Smiling- even when you feel the inherent need to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, will only make the person feel mocked- and angry — not a good time to crack a joke either.
Acknowledging that something is broken and saying we are going to fix this/make it right will go a long way toward defusing many situations.
Boundaries are always crucial, even and especially in murky situations. While some of the above tips have encouraged listening and letting the angry person vent, you also have the right to assert your rebuttal and say, "I'm happy to have heard your side, but this is where I'm coming from." Allow the irate person to see the situation as a whole.
Debrief. After the situation is over, talk to someone about what happened.
Discharge your stress. You had to put your natural reactions on hold for a while. Now is the time to discharge some of that pent up adrenaline. Go for a run; don't let the emotions remain within, literally, and figuratively release.
Give yourself credit for getting through an uncomfortable situation. It takes a hefty emotional toll doing the crazy dance with a difficult person.
Dip, shimmy, jump, twirl. Don’t repeat.