Souvenir — Rosé Attaché

I'm a pretty decisive person, when I know I know- dating someone a first time and thinking it not a fit is one thing, trying 2 years later a second time is being Yotzei the process (his word). Pursuing someone 2 years later for a third time is a whole different declaration. It's emotions on steroids.

You (I) can like someone a lot, trust them implicitly; feel good to catch each other's eye, and find myself shut down.

I don't know how, or why, but this had to happen. I love how mature and mentch he was on the drive home. Saying how whatever the outcome is, going out again was still a productive process and its a step toward clarity. There were no games here, just two people who clearly have a lot of similarities and mutual respect and are astute enough to recognize their feelings. I shared an example of loyalty when we were discussing a hashkaffic concept- if a choice is given to shake someones hand, perhaps if you decline the other party will be uncomfortable; but flipped - if I do shake their hand, I’ll be uncomfortable. Permission to recognize what I want is maturity and growth. I was happy to meet with him again, and really try. Nothing was fluff in the best way.

It's cute how we both can say, we can have clarity but still know that if we see each other again, all the right, emotions will return. And this is okay, because I see that you can really like someone a lot. And recognize alot of good.

Our souvenir exchange meant more to me because I don't look at it as a send-off, it's still a declaration to hold out and never give in until you are with the person who makes it feel so right. 🩵

Different guys, different dates, differing takeaways, and takehomes.

Each dating experience lends a new souvenir.

Sometimes it's of shared clarity, oftentimes one-sided, sometimes tangible mementos, and mostly abstract feelings that resurface each time that shared experience spot reappears.

There was the guy who post-telling me “I can't believe you don't drive highways,” left me with the inertia to learn; this propelled me the next month to drive from Brooklyn to Monsey.

The one who made me so nervous in a non-butterfly way, and I was left with a superfluous 7 lbs.

An empowered discrepancy of negative 10 lbs ensues when it ends with those select good-vibe ones.

Memories of the Allegria, Brooklyn Bridge (top and bottom), and certain restaurants that unless I go to with an entirely new experience, will always be a remembrance.

The one who took me to the Empire State Building for the first time, that scenic view will always be a shared highlight.

The little exchanges, keychains, chocolates, laptop briefcases (don't ask), books…

Sometimes souvenirs are more abstract, such as specific dates progressed, and I learned how your mind works; when I see a headline, meme, or place that I know you would appreciate, my default M.O. is to think about you.

Certain clothes I've worn on specific dates can never be worn again; the layers are creased.

For the ones who were more petite, and I tried to make it work on solid ground. The abundance of flat flats is collecting dust.

The heels that were bought to match specific dresses exclusively for that date #7 look lost their first wear sheen.

The things we created together, e.g., escape the room certificate of achievement, pictures painted in unison.

Playlists shared.

Learning to speak each other's language in a literal sense and adopted some of your key phrases into my everyday speech.

In the journey of life, towards growth and ultimately ending up with our one, these trinkets reflect messages.

Don't compromise until it feels right; recognize the one who is astute enough to value, appreciate, and ultimately cherish you. I don't get sad when I dangle that keychain, or visit the Brooklyn Bridge walkway…because you've given me something small but not insignificant.