Crystal Clarity

Shattered glass is apropos imagery for clarity. When there’s a perception of how things “could've been,” the way we were ;)…it all seemed so “clear,” and then it’s not, a conglomerate of fragmented feelings is what ensues, shattered glass.

I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. THIS WAS GOING TO BE IT. All the stars were aligned. Always a creative thinker my mind whirled towards the possibility of forever, and how everything leading up to this was a “sign.” In hindsight, I finally realized that the only real “sign” is to do yours and let everything fall into place. I love the quote “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” There’s a master conductor, whom I would never challenge to navigate the expertly carved route, even if I was equipped with Waze and Google Maps.

When you are convinced this is a good opportunity it’s hard to play devils advocate and convince yourself otherwise- of course it’s nice when the decision is made for you- the opportunities that were out of my hands were much easier to get over than the ones where the decision was seemingly my own.

“When you want what’s right, you’re never wrong,” this is what my mother kept telling me over my workday lunch break. “Remember X, and you walked away because it wasn’t the right for you? You stayed until you could, “if it were me I would’ve left long ago, but you stuck it out because you believed in giving an opportunity a chance until your instincts told you otherwise.”

When something is heavily weighing on you, the only option is to do what you need to do to obtain that elusive crystal clarity.

~~Even~~ especially if it means putting yourself out there in a way that takes you out of your comfort zone, and I mean way. When something is worth its weight in gold, that platter moment where we "put ourselves out there" outweighs any discomfort. But you have to try and see for yourself.

When a glass is shattered, it is never whole again. As much as the fragmented pieces can be stuck together they will never truly be in perfect unison; shards will be missing, the surface will have cracks, and you’ll always be wondering if this is resting too precariously, for fear of this breaking again.

A job opportunity didn’t work out, so we’re extra nervous at the next interview.
A guy said no, even though you thought things were going well, so you put up your guard for the next one.
A friend who you know in your heart of hearts loves you, but the trust was breached.

It’s hard to pick up the pieces and become whole again. Secure enough to give the utmost of yourself to those who are there to help you put the pieces back together. It’s important to remember, sometimes a rose is just a rose. Don’t look for the deeper nonexistent meaning. When a glass breaks it can be a symbol of Simcha or that of a kaparah, but both represent the joy of clarity.