House Hunt: The True Meaning of Financial Freedom
Buying a house at 22: How did I get here?
The true meaning of financial freedom
By: Leah Abrams
Money. Money is not just about numbers or bills or paychecks, or even excel spreadsheets. Money is emotional. It makes and breaks relationships. It controls our world, gives power. And it takes on a different meaning based on your own experiences, dating back to your early childhood.
Growing up, money was something that came into my life in random spurts and left just as quickly as it had come. I remember how at the end of the month, my mother would say she was sorry; she couldn't buy that pair of gloves for me right then, giving some vague excuse. But then, the very next week, I would ecstatically comb through the bags and bags of groceries filled with boundless snacks, produce, and whatever else my father had laid eyes upon while strolling through the aisles. Even though I could not put it into words, the stark difference that payday made to my family was not lost on me as a child. It was only much later, as an adult, that I would come to understand how unhealthy this style of living was, and how these extreme highs and lows could be avoided through some simple budgeting strategies and the good old pen and paper shopping list. But I will get to more of that later.
Needless to say, my parents' money hygiene, or lack thereof, left me confused and flustered. All I knew is that I didn't want to live that way when I got older. I wanted, no, needed more stability.
I wasn't imaginative enough to believe that I would meet a dashingly, handsome, wealthy prince charming, that would sweep in and kiss my financial worries goodbye, so I did the next best thing: I saved most of what I earned, and I was so proud of my meager piggy bank. After seminary, I wanted to relieve my parents of a small amount of financial pressure, so I told them that I would be paying for my rent from now on (I was living away from home). Boy was that tough. The first month of this new resolution of mine was full of vacation days for which I did not get paid. After paying rent and basic expenses, I had $10 left in my account, but I was determined not to cave and to stick it out. And I did. It was tough, but I was so proud of myself, and it was so worth it. I finally felt like a real adult, ready to take on the world.
Fast forward a few years. I am blessed to have just celebrated my 3rd anniversary and my baby's first birthday. Still, in our low 20s, my husband and I are currently on a serious hunt for a nice home to settle into for many years to come. How did I make the jump from monetarily flailing to financially grounded?
Sorry to burst your bubble, there was no smooth, magical formula, no lottery ticket. No anonymous benefactor or a rich uncle. Well, not in our case, anyway. (If any of the descriptions mentioned above fits your profile, know how rare of a gift you have and enjoy! I am sure there is a price to pay for that as well…). Spoiler alert: it took A LOT of hard work, will power, self-control, and soul-searching.
If you think the use of soul-searching seems to be extreme in this usage, let me paint this picture. The new season is coming, and with it, the expectation of shopping. of course, I need at least four new items to add to my wardrobe. Hubby reminds me of our goal to continue saving towards a down payment, and says "So, do you really need all those clothes, or will one or two new outfits do?" Well, of course I need it, this is the norm, what all the bloggers do, what my friends do. If anything, everyone else buys 20 new outfits, 7 pairs of matching shoes..... I'm the cheap one! But then I stop. Why am I allowing other people's standard of normal to set my bar? Will I be happier that way? Will I that make me more… "me?"
And so I discovered that being true to myself is giving myself what I need, not what society and the ever-present advertisements claim will drastically improve my life one way or another. I hate to be a party pooper here, but that new, double-the-price hair shampoo honestly doesn't do anything different from the version they sold last year.
I was pulling back on "wants," which meant I had to learn the difference of what "wants" and "needs" means to me. I learned that I could let go of a lot, but there would still be one or two things that were still "mine." I was ok not eating out for the most part, but family trips and experiences were always important to me. I learned that time with a friend is just as enjoyable going on a walk together, as opposed to sitting in a restaurant, feeling pressured to buy more than just a drink because she bought salad, a drink AND dessert. It turns out that many friends were relieved that I opted to spend money because they didn't want to but felt weird saying anything...
So was this period restrictive? Well, in the beginning, I felt it was. I was telling myself "no" to so many things! But slowly, my whole attitude and outlook shifted. Within this "restriction" was so much freedom! I was making choices for myself that were good for me, just like eating healthfully and exercise should be about caring for your body, not punishing yourself. Financial freedom isn't necessarily about how much money you make. It's about being in control of your life, knowing that you can trust your own decisions, that you are not praying that you won't fall into debt.
It may seem that what I did was extreme, and in some ways, maybe it was. I made many sacrifices. But it helped me achieve some big goals, as well as uncovering new layers of myself. As time goes on, I hope my budget will be less rigid. But no matter how much money I have available to spend, I know that what I have learned from my "wallet diet" will always stick with me.
If this all seems too much for you, and you think I am nuts, that's fine! Enjoy life! I applaud you! Financial minimalism isn't for everyone. But I challenge you that instead of swiping mindlessly, spend with intention. Even if you chose to honor a "want," know it's not a need, and it's a choice you are making. Think where the money is coming from and where it is going. It may change your bank account, but more importantly, it will change you.
Email Rifky@roseattache to get in touch with the author
